This was a big year and big things happened in it. Life changing things.
January was the month I went on a blind date and thought I might be in love so we had a secret relationship that mostly consisted of texting. It was great fun, we didn't tell anyone and we didn't ever see each other, and I started listening to Attack! Attack! and he started listening to She and Him.
February was the month I sat at home alone on valentine's day even though I had a boyfriend. It was the month The Vow came out and Heather and I cried over it. It was the month I started to worry that love was very lonely.
March was the month that I went to spring fling with my secret boyfriend and we looked at the stars and the city lights from the top of the hill. It was the month I went on a couple dates with Spencer and then broke up with the secret boyfriend because I wasn't lonely when Spencer was around I worried I was too close to being a cheater.
April was the month my big sister got married. It was the month by mom started fighting with her parents and I stopped fighting with mine. It was the month Spencer and I started dating.It was the month i got surgery on my tooth. It was the month I told him secrets. It was the month I spent my spring break watching him fix my car and take care of me. It was the month I got a 29 on the ACT.
May was the month we went to prom together. It was the month I took the accuplacer and got one less point than I wanted. It was the month I made cinnamon roll waffles. It was the month of the "ten hour" car wash. It was the month I finished my Jr. year. It was the month I house sat with heather and had a few perfect days with her and Spencer in Salt Lake.
June was the month that we all danced around in happiness. It was the month that I educated Spencer in movies and he educated me in cars. It was the month I got addicted to snow cones. It was the month I started counting down the days to September 26. It was the month I spent a week on the beach.
July was the month I watched fireworks with a boy I loved very much. It was a month I started passing out. It was the month I learned to let someone catch me. It was the month I came home early from Trek because I only walked a half a mile before I got sick. It was the month I bonded with Spencer's family. It was the month I saw a water/fire fountain.
August was the month I went to girls camp for the last time. It was the month I learned to drive stick. It was the month I got a job at smart cookie. It was the month I started my senior year. It was the month meaningless whispers because something funny and lines were redrawn. It was the month I started to live for the days I got 'surprised' at lunch or on my break with a soda and a kiss.
September was the month the minutes sped up. it was the month i got a giant teddy bear. It was the month we went on the most perfect last date in the world. It was the month he left and I felt broken. It was the month I cried the most.
October was the month I turned 18. It was the month the spirit punched me in the gut and told me to go on a mission. It was the month I tried to cope with being alone. It was the month I came up with the best halloween costume ever and forgot to take pictures for the boy. It was the month I decided to work myself to death so I couldn't sit and mope.
November was the month I crashed twice in one week and remembered I hated driving in the snow. It was the month thanksgiving at heather's happened and I took care of missy for her. It was the month Spencer called from the airport. It was the month I remembered I loved him more than I missed him. It was the month I remembered thanksgiving leftovers are something my family will fight over. It was the month I got addicted to online shopping.
December was the month I got a baby for school and everyone saw my baby crazy side. It was the month I raked leaves in a wind storm. It was the month we named Greggory the Christmas tree. It was the month the Grinch stole Christmas. It was the month I sent dad and Gracie to secret Santa Spencer and he got Tyler to bring me a present to. It was the month I determined to go somewhere amazing for my senior trip (hopefully europe but somewhere for sure.) It was the month Spencer Skyped.
Next year, if you can believe it, will be even bigger.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Real Love
I met him the day that we moved. He lived next door and Dad was telling him that he couldn't date Kelsie because she was taken by a missionary, so he would have to keep his distance. He helped me carry all of my stuff to my new room because I couldn't carry it by myself. That was sweet, and he was cute, I felt bad that he was too old for me but decided we would be friends.
November 26, 2011 he sent me a facebook message because he didn't have my phone number and needed a date in one hour. I was conveniently next door so I was the obvious choice, despite the fact that I was two years younger and he had no interest really. It was sweet. . . And to make it better it was weird, the other couple was his ex and her current man (Chris and Alexa). It was okay though, I still had fun. We went laser tagging at Trafalga. Then the weekend ended and he went back to college and we didn't talk for a while.
The next time I saw him was when I was trying to decide between two dresses for Preference. I was going on a blind date and wanted to look great. I was going to get Dad's opinion because he was a boy and he would know which was better. The blue dress was first. I put it on and went down stairs to find him, he was out in the garage though so I went out there. Spencer was there talking to him about a car and his reaction made up my mind for sure. It was the kind of reaction you only think of in movies. His jaw dropped and he dropped the wrench he was holding then stammered nonsense until he could get out a 'pretty dress' and I blushed and it was great.
March 26, 2012 was the next time we saw each other, he needed another date and again I was convenient so again we went to Trafalga with Chris and Alexa. and again it was fun. When we were pulling up to the houses I invited him to go see Hunger Games with me and a bunch of friends. He agreed and I drove and that was weird. The whole movie he sat with his hand right by mine and even though I hadn't started out with the intention of holding his hand, I started thinking about it because it was right there and looked so warm and my fingers were cold. It was rude.
The next weekend he took me to a movie (Mission Impossible) and actually held my hand and it was as good as I thought it would be. We went to get ice cream later that week. Then Kelsie's wedding happened.
He was there, and we were spending most of the night together. We danced and he was better at it than I was, someone snapped a picture that captured our hesitant relationship perfectly, and we climbed to the top of the tower in the castle to send off a wishing lantern. He almost kissed me but no go, little kids kept showing up and ruining out moment. Darn kids. I left the wedding with him, he wouldn't admit it to me at the time but he had borrowed his grandpa's car to impress me with and took me to buy chocolate chips then we went back to my house and watched Planet of the Apes. Only I fell asleep and missed most of it. That was when I decided I liked leaning on him and should keep doing it.
Spring Break happened pretty soon after the wedding and on the first day of it I broke Flo. I over heated her and needed Spencer to fix her. The next 4 days were filled spending hours watching him work and talking to him, sharing music and jokes and life was great. Then the sisters decided they wanted to watch a movie in a tent and we went out with them. They all fell asleep and he kissed me. first kiss with all 4 sisters and Maddie in the tent! Good thing they were sleeping. The movie ended and he walked me home, and I got another kiss on the front porch. After that it was the Taylor and Spencer Show.
We never really decided we were a couple but it happened right around then for sure and kissing became a normal thing. Except for the fact that I was bad at it and knew it so I laughed every time. That only lasted about a month though, and then I got over it.
He took me to prom even though he had already graduated. He wanted me to have the experience and it was a dang good one. We were in a group with Macquel and Shawn and it was cool that after all the years we spent talking about going to prom together we really did. We went to dinner in the mountains and I wore a big pink dress that I borrowed from Breann Burreston. We danced and talked about people he didn't know. Then on the way home we kissed while he drove on the freeway and it was great, I always wanted to do that.
The first time he told me he told me he loved me was in Walmart on a trip to get chocolate milk. He made me cry while he was trying to tell me he liked my curves because he doesn't know how to speak very eloquently and it sounded a lot like he was calling me fat, which is sensitive. He grabbed my face and stared me straight in the eyes and told me that he loved me.
June he got his mission call and I started counting down the September 26th, the day I decided was our six month. And it was good but sad all at once.
The rest of the summer was filled with snow cones, movies, cuddling on the couch, and watching him fix cars. And it was also perfect.
Homecoming was our last real date before he left for the MTC. He took me to see the otters at the aquarium and ice skating and we went to blue lemon for dinner and zupas for lunch and it was more than a perfect night. He was stunningly handsome and I was ravishingly beautiful and we danced and sang and held each other and it was a night i will always remember.
His last weekend here I was very, very sick. We got snow cones and then came home and he watched A Thousand Words while I slept on him and he took really good care of me. Then I had to send him to have fun saturday with out me so he wouldn't miss things.
September 25, 2012 I said goodbye to him and sent him to serve the lord. We played paintball in the back yard and I took him to his last stake presidents meeting, then wendy's. We watched a snowboarding movie and he ate pizza and it was so hard no to cry through it all but I mostly held it together until we were on my porch and he was actually leaving me for two years. then I fell apart and he pinky promised to come back to me.
to be continued. . . (August 2015, we will get married.)
November 26, 2011 he sent me a facebook message because he didn't have my phone number and needed a date in one hour. I was conveniently next door so I was the obvious choice, despite the fact that I was two years younger and he had no interest really. It was sweet. . . And to make it better it was weird, the other couple was his ex and her current man (Chris and Alexa). It was okay though, I still had fun. We went laser tagging at Trafalga. Then the weekend ended and he went back to college and we didn't talk for a while.
The next time I saw him was when I was trying to decide between two dresses for Preference. I was going on a blind date and wanted to look great. I was going to get Dad's opinion because he was a boy and he would know which was better. The blue dress was first. I put it on and went down stairs to find him, he was out in the garage though so I went out there. Spencer was there talking to him about a car and his reaction made up my mind for sure. It was the kind of reaction you only think of in movies. His jaw dropped and he dropped the wrench he was holding then stammered nonsense until he could get out a 'pretty dress' and I blushed and it was great.
March 26, 2012 was the next time we saw each other, he needed another date and again I was convenient so again we went to Trafalga with Chris and Alexa. and again it was fun. When we were pulling up to the houses I invited him to go see Hunger Games with me and a bunch of friends. He agreed and I drove and that was weird. The whole movie he sat with his hand right by mine and even though I hadn't started out with the intention of holding his hand, I started thinking about it because it was right there and looked so warm and my fingers were cold. It was rude.
The next weekend he took me to a movie (Mission Impossible) and actually held my hand and it was as good as I thought it would be. We went to get ice cream later that week. Then Kelsie's wedding happened.
He was there, and we were spending most of the night together. We danced and he was better at it than I was, someone snapped a picture that captured our hesitant relationship perfectly, and we climbed to the top of the tower in the castle to send off a wishing lantern. He almost kissed me but no go, little kids kept showing up and ruining out moment. Darn kids. I left the wedding with him, he wouldn't admit it to me at the time but he had borrowed his grandpa's car to impress me with and took me to buy chocolate chips then we went back to my house and watched Planet of the Apes. Only I fell asleep and missed most of it. That was when I decided I liked leaning on him and should keep doing it.
Spring Break happened pretty soon after the wedding and on the first day of it I broke Flo. I over heated her and needed Spencer to fix her. The next 4 days were filled spending hours watching him work and talking to him, sharing music and jokes and life was great. Then the sisters decided they wanted to watch a movie in a tent and we went out with them. They all fell asleep and he kissed me. first kiss with all 4 sisters and Maddie in the tent! Good thing they were sleeping. The movie ended and he walked me home, and I got another kiss on the front porch. After that it was the Taylor and Spencer Show.
We never really decided we were a couple but it happened right around then for sure and kissing became a normal thing. Except for the fact that I was bad at it and knew it so I laughed every time. That only lasted about a month though, and then I got over it.
He took me to prom even though he had already graduated. He wanted me to have the experience and it was a dang good one. We were in a group with Macquel and Shawn and it was cool that after all the years we spent talking about going to prom together we really did. We went to dinner in the mountains and I wore a big pink dress that I borrowed from Breann Burreston. We danced and talked about people he didn't know. Then on the way home we kissed while he drove on the freeway and it was great, I always wanted to do that.
The first time he told me he told me he loved me was in Walmart on a trip to get chocolate milk. He made me cry while he was trying to tell me he liked my curves because he doesn't know how to speak very eloquently and it sounded a lot like he was calling me fat, which is sensitive. He grabbed my face and stared me straight in the eyes and told me that he loved me.
June he got his mission call and I started counting down the September 26th, the day I decided was our six month. And it was good but sad all at once.
The rest of the summer was filled with snow cones, movies, cuddling on the couch, and watching him fix cars. And it was also perfect.
Homecoming was our last real date before he left for the MTC. He took me to see the otters at the aquarium and ice skating and we went to blue lemon for dinner and zupas for lunch and it was more than a perfect night. He was stunningly handsome and I was ravishingly beautiful and we danced and sang and held each other and it was a night i will always remember.
His last weekend here I was very, very sick. We got snow cones and then came home and he watched A Thousand Words while I slept on him and he took really good care of me. Then I had to send him to have fun saturday with out me so he wouldn't miss things.
September 25, 2012 I said goodbye to him and sent him to serve the lord. We played paintball in the back yard and I took him to his last stake presidents meeting, then wendy's. We watched a snowboarding movie and he ate pizza and it was so hard no to cry through it all but I mostly held it together until we were on my porch and he was actually leaving me for two years. then I fell apart and he pinky promised to come back to me.
to be continued. . . (August 2015, we will get married.)
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Tonight is not a night that the words are coming too easily.
Or at all actually. I am sitting here on my front porch wishing for them to
start flowing or for it to start pouring rain or for something wonderful to
happen that will spark my imagination and make me happy and inspired and feel
the magic of words coursing though my veins and spilling out onto a page and
filling it with something beautiful. It hasn’t happened yet. I am still stuck
in a winter funk and it is May. School ends in a week. Any I am still in winter
writing mode. That is a problem in my life.
I am so close to finishing I can
taste it. It should be there. It should be sparkly and perfect and ready for
the world to see it and instead it is a great middle and ending of a story with
no beginning. Writing out of order is a terrible horrible no good very bad plan
and I am never going to do it again. Only I didn’t do it this time. I wrote a
beginning, it just sucked really bad so I had to scrap it. Shit.
Also,
sometimes writing makes me want to swear. It is a problem that I love it so
much or I would have a much easier time with my life. I would also have a much
more boring life. I would never have met some of my best friends.
I never would
have had Hilary’s life to get me threw my dark days and I never would have had
Larain and Chris’ love to lift my spirits and give me hope in the world. I
never would have met Skyler, or Forrest, or Meghin, or Emery, or Destery, or
Dayten, or anyone else that seems to have taken over my thought process so
entirely. And so I am glad that I write even when it is hard and sucks and I
hate everything and want to throw my computer at a wall.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
To Tired To Tell Tales
Quite honestly I am much too tired to tell you one of the many stories that I know I should write down before I forget the details of but I told myself I could consistently blog three times a week because that seems reasonable. And I need a blog post to do that so I am going to tell you some facts about myself because that seems easier.
1) i like kissing but makes my lips dry and i giggle when i kiss a boy.
2) i am much more likely to do you a favor if my room is clean.
3) i love mr. deeds, it is one of my favorite movies.
4) i really want to move out.
5) i need a job before i can move out.
6) i know sneaking out is bad but i want to do it sometimes.
7) i like my skirts shorter than my dad does. i also like my sleeves off my shoulders.
8) i think coffee is a good acquired taste worth acquiring.
9) i might drink too much caffeine and eat too much sugar.
10) i like when i find out i can count on something, it is the only good kind of surprise.
1) i like kissing but makes my lips dry and i giggle when i kiss a boy.
2) i am much more likely to do you a favor if my room is clean.
3) i love mr. deeds, it is one of my favorite movies.
4) i really want to move out.
5) i need a job before i can move out.
6) i know sneaking out is bad but i want to do it sometimes.
7) i like my skirts shorter than my dad does. i also like my sleeves off my shoulders.
8) i think coffee is a good acquired taste worth acquiring.
9) i might drink too much caffeine and eat too much sugar.
10) i like when i find out i can count on something, it is the only good kind of surprise.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
True Passion
Once upon a time I sat in a dark auditorium to watch a substandard Jr. high performance. The band, orchestra, and top choir all got together on the stage and did there best. They sang songs that no one understood the words to but thought were pretty anyway, they played a song arranged by one of the students, they did a lovely tribute to the military, and all in all it wasn't to terrible, but also not to interesting.
I found myself looking at the people around me.
I watched the lady with a fussy baby try and quiet it. I watched the old married couple hold hands and whisper like school children. I watched my dad send emails to work. But most of all I watched my beautiful little sister breath in the music around her.
I watched her close her eyes, right there on stage and time her breath with the clashing, slightly off beat music. I watcher her let it wash over her and entirely consume her thoughts to the point where she missed her well practiced cue.
I saw real passion in her that night. I saw a girl who loves something so much that it has become a part of her very soul. I saw someone who was so enthralled in the sound that she only saw the beauty and didn't mind the trumpet that came in early or the flute that kept hitting an ear-splitting high note. And seeing that made me see the beauty in it too.
Monday, April 23, 2012
left but not forgotten
My poor blog. I neglected it so much the last little while. and by little while I mean few months. and you know what? I am going to ignore it for a day or two longer while I get caught up on homework and sleep because I have been neglecting both for a while now. poor homework. poor sleep.
BUT. . .
When I get back I have lots to tell you. The wedding, that great kiss, the new boyfriend, breaking down on the freeway, a few movie reviews, and a few blog posts that have been written in notebooks and never copied over. It will be great if you come and read them. which you might not because I have neglected you. I apologize. I will do better. maybe. . .
that is all (for now)
taylor.
BUT. . .
When I get back I have lots to tell you. The wedding, that great kiss, the new boyfriend, breaking down on the freeway, a few movie reviews, and a few blog posts that have been written in notebooks and never copied over. It will be great if you come and read them. which you might not because I have neglected you. I apologize. I will do better. maybe. . .
that is all (for now)
taylor.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
It is raining.
It is raining.
Such a simple sentence that can mean so much. Is it a gentle patter; a friend knocking softly to get your attention? Is it so calm it is barely a mist, one that comes and soaks the world in a baptism meant to clean it? Is it a sudden burst over the desert, over compensation for months of neglect? Is it the angry kind that pounds the ground with its fists, a temper tantrum from the sky?
Is it falling on the shingles of the roof of the newly wed couple, so in love they can't see straight? Is it pitter-pattering a top the sheet of corrugated tin the man who lost everything is sitting under? Is it evaporating on hot asphalt or freezing on the cold of steel? Is it falling into a lake to be lost in a crowd or carefully being collected and stored away?
Is it because the sky is crying or did an angle over fill her bath? Is it why that old man is snoring or does he always do that? Will it really go away, really come again another day? Does it feel bad for always being late for the rain dances? Has it ever rained cats and dogs? Does it know that it brings May flowers?
Is it being watched by eyes who wish it would change to suit them; or is it falling, perfect in its solidarity? Does it look back at us? Does it see into our windows with as much fascination as we have? Does it know about the going away presents it leaves us? Has it seen the beauty of flowers and rainbows?
Does it know it is blocking out the sun and canceling picnics? Does it do it for a reason? Was it saving us from skin cancer? Did it want to come on our picnic? Did it just not want us to go? Does it have dreams? Does it have goals? Does it want to be a lake or end up in a tap Why is it raining today and not three days ago?
Do these questions matter? Does the rain feel? Is it conscious? Does it know where it falls? Who it hits? What it cleans? When it lands? Who sees?
Or. . .
Is it just raining?
Such a simple sentence that can mean so much. Is it a gentle patter; a friend knocking softly to get your attention? Is it so calm it is barely a mist, one that comes and soaks the world in a baptism meant to clean it? Is it a sudden burst over the desert, over compensation for months of neglect? Is it the angry kind that pounds the ground with its fists, a temper tantrum from the sky?
Is it falling on the shingles of the roof of the newly wed couple, so in love they can't see straight? Is it pitter-pattering a top the sheet of corrugated tin the man who lost everything is sitting under? Is it evaporating on hot asphalt or freezing on the cold of steel? Is it falling into a lake to be lost in a crowd or carefully being collected and stored away?
Is it because the sky is crying or did an angle over fill her bath? Is it why that old man is snoring or does he always do that? Will it really go away, really come again another day? Does it feel bad for always being late for the rain dances? Has it ever rained cats and dogs? Does it know that it brings May flowers?
Is it being watched by eyes who wish it would change to suit them; or is it falling, perfect in its solidarity? Does it look back at us? Does it see into our windows with as much fascination as we have? Does it know about the going away presents it leaves us? Has it seen the beauty of flowers and rainbows?
Does it know it is blocking out the sun and canceling picnics? Does it do it for a reason? Was it saving us from skin cancer? Did it want to come on our picnic? Did it just not want us to go? Does it have dreams? Does it have goals? Does it want to be a lake or end up in a tap Why is it raining today and not three days ago?
Do these questions matter? Does the rain feel? Is it conscious? Does it know where it falls? Who it hits? What it cleans? When it lands? Who sees?
Or. . .
Is it just raining?
Friday, February 17, 2012
And the universe is still turning.
I moved exactly one year ago today and guess what? It wasn't the end of the world like I thought it would be. Things changed, me especially, but life kept going. I left my old neighbors, the ones who watched late night kisses happening on our front porch with binoculars from their kitchens, and got new ones who make wofums instead of roasting marshmallows, and now I have two sets of crazy adults in my life. I switched schools, twice, and learned how to be the new girl as well as stay loyal to old friends. I learned how to really play girls camp pranks and remembered that the first ward has the forth of July down the way no one else does.
A year ago if you asked me if I would ever not regret having to move I would have said no but now? I'm not so sure. I can't imagine not having all of these experiences. they have changed me, maybe for the better, maybe not, but they changed me and I am who I am because of them, and I do know that I'm glad I'm me, wither I like who I am or not.
A year ago if you asked me if I would ever not regret having to move I would have said no but now? I'm not so sure. I can't imagine not having all of these experiences. they have changed me, maybe for the better, maybe not, but they changed me and I am who I am because of them, and I do know that I'm glad I'm me, wither I like who I am or not.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
The things you can find in your back pockets
You know when you stick something in your pocket and forget about it; maybe you'll find it next winter when you wear that coat again, or maybe it gets donated along with the old pair of jeans you're never fitting into, or maybe it falls out and you forget to check for it so it is lost for ever? Well, a boy has done that with my heart. He took it, even though I had no plans to give it to him, and shoved it in his back pocket.
So here I am, with my heart in this boy's pocket and he doesn't know it is there because he didn't look for it, and he is putting his heart in someone else's pocket and it makes me want to scream because i don't know her so I can't hate her and that is really what all girls want to to when a boy is running around with their heart chasing after someone else's. I wish that it was me who he went all out making Valentine's day special for and had a great time with. I wish it was me that he was kissing, even if he might taste funny. And I wish it was me whose heart he took out of his pocket and took care of.
But he isn't looking for the heart in his back pocket, instead he is looking for the one that he may or may not have while mine sits there waiting. But my heart isn't patient. It is telling me that I need to just go up to him and kiss him next time I see him, even thought that would create a scene and he would feel very uncomfortable about it because he doesn't know my heart is in his pocket even though we both agree that telling someone you like them is always the better plan. It is also telling me to text him and tell him that I might love him, or I might just like him, I'm not sure, but I do know that I think about him and want to spend time with him in a very un-platonic way. It is telling me a lot of other things to, and I'm very impressed that he can't hear it screaming at me. I mean it is in his pocket.
But I'm not listening to it, instead I'm blogging about it because as we all know blogging is the next best thing when compared to confessing your maybe-love-definitely-an-infatuation-possibly-an-obsessive-want-slash-need-to-be-with-this-boy-who-might-just-be-perfect.
So here I am, with my heart in this boy's pocket and he doesn't know it is there because he didn't look for it, and he is putting his heart in someone else's pocket and it makes me want to scream because i don't know her so I can't hate her and that is really what all girls want to to when a boy is running around with their heart chasing after someone else's. I wish that it was me who he went all out making Valentine's day special for and had a great time with. I wish it was me that he was kissing, even if he might taste funny. And I wish it was me whose heart he took out of his pocket and took care of.
But he isn't looking for the heart in his back pocket, instead he is looking for the one that he may or may not have while mine sits there waiting. But my heart isn't patient. It is telling me that I need to just go up to him and kiss him next time I see him, even thought that would create a scene and he would feel very uncomfortable about it because he doesn't know my heart is in his pocket even though we both agree that telling someone you like them is always the better plan. It is also telling me to text him and tell him that I might love him, or I might just like him, I'm not sure, but I do know that I think about him and want to spend time with him in a very un-platonic way. It is telling me a lot of other things to, and I'm very impressed that he can't hear it screaming at me. I mean it is in his pocket.
But I'm not listening to it, instead I'm blogging about it because as we all know blogging is the next best thing when compared to confessing your maybe-love-definitely-an-infatuation-possibly-an-obsessive-want-slash-need-to-be-with-this-boy-who-might-just-be-perfect.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
And tights make a difference
I learned that the robbers in 101 Dalmatians (the one with real people, not Disney) are Dr. House and Arthur Weasly.
I heard this lovely lady, who used to be my dear friend but who now I only blog stalk will follow my blog if I link to hers on it and decided to test her.
I also know for a fact that some times I wish a dashing young man would show up at my door and take me for an adventure when i am feeling low.
It has been rumored that you can fear an opinion, and when you do it is called allodoxaphobia.
Someone whispered that pinterest is my newest addiction, it makes me feel crafty when I'm really not.
I worried that he didn't want to talk to me, but then someone told me he wasn't talking to anyone.
I'm sure that he made me feel confident, and rather pretty when we were dancing.
I do believe new CDs are great, but old ones are even better.
Sometimes I think winter is what hell will be like before I remember that hell is hot. And if that means heaven is cold I'll take the fire and brimstone.
I doubt it matters if my skirt is an inch above my knees, if a book of mormon fits between us, if I am awake at midnight, or if I like coffee.
I heard this lovely lady, who used to be my dear friend but who now I only blog stalk will follow my blog if I link to hers on it and decided to test her.
I also know for a fact that some times I wish a dashing young man would show up at my door and take me for an adventure when i am feeling low.
It has been rumored that you can fear an opinion, and when you do it is called allodoxaphobia.
Someone whispered that pinterest is my newest addiction, it makes me feel crafty when I'm really not.
I worried that he didn't want to talk to me, but then someone told me he wasn't talking to anyone.
I'm sure that he made me feel confident, and rather pretty when we were dancing.
I do believe new CDs are great, but old ones are even better.
Sometimes I think winter is what hell will be like before I remember that hell is hot. And if that means heaven is cold I'll take the fire and brimstone.
I doubt it matters if my skirt is an inch above my knees, if a book of mormon fits between us, if I am awake at midnight, or if I like coffee.
Friday, February 3, 2012
The Thinking I've Been Doing
I've been sick this week. The kind of sick where you just want to lay in bed and do nothing all day long, and so that is what I've been doing. Laying there and doing nothing. That means I have had a lot of time to think, more time than usual, and that is a lot of thinking.
I've been thinking about those kids. You know the ones I'm talking about? I hope so because I'm still not sure. They might be the ones at school that you only know of, or the friends that you don't really know but wish you did. Or the boy you might love if you knew him. Or maybe even that girl that you never wanted to be until you found out who she was. I suppose those kids are the strangers that you spend all day around. Those kids are the ones who could change everything in your entire world if you just got to know them, if you just let the in, if you just opened up and put yourself out there.
I've been thinking about how I need to go on an adventure. One of those adventures where you do something crazy and unexpected and it ends up wonderful, or maybe even not so wonderful but you had fun doing it so that is okay. I want to go paragliding, or drive a car 100 MPH, or fall in love, or ask a stranger to dance, or. . . I don't know what. I just want to do something. I've decided that is the problem with winter. In the winter there is little to do, summertime is the time of adventure and possibilities, and it needs to get here faster and bring its adventures with it.
I've been thinking about school and how I have no interest in it anymore. I'm suffering from senioritis, and I'm only a junior. It might be a problem, I might be a typical teenager, I might be having a quarter-life crisis. Who knows? I just feel bored and trapped and oppressed by my whole life. I spend so much of my time doing all of this structured crap, everyday is the same and every thing is old and bland and I just want some spice in my life again. I just want to change things up I just want to. . . do something.
I've just been thinking a lot. About a lot of random things, and the product of my thinking?
I need some one unexpected to bring something unexpected into my life and take me on a crazy, stupid adventure. Any one up for the job?
I've been thinking about those kids. You know the ones I'm talking about? I hope so because I'm still not sure. They might be the ones at school that you only know of, or the friends that you don't really know but wish you did. Or the boy you might love if you knew him. Or maybe even that girl that you never wanted to be until you found out who she was. I suppose those kids are the strangers that you spend all day around. Those kids are the ones who could change everything in your entire world if you just got to know them, if you just let the in, if you just opened up and put yourself out there.
I've been thinking about how I need to go on an adventure. One of those adventures where you do something crazy and unexpected and it ends up wonderful, or maybe even not so wonderful but you had fun doing it so that is okay. I want to go paragliding, or drive a car 100 MPH, or fall in love, or ask a stranger to dance, or. . . I don't know what. I just want to do something. I've decided that is the problem with winter. In the winter there is little to do, summertime is the time of adventure and possibilities, and it needs to get here faster and bring its adventures with it.
I've been thinking about school and how I have no interest in it anymore. I'm suffering from senioritis, and I'm only a junior. It might be a problem, I might be a typical teenager, I might be having a quarter-life crisis. Who knows? I just feel bored and trapped and oppressed by my whole life. I spend so much of my time doing all of this structured crap, everyday is the same and every thing is old and bland and I just want some spice in my life again. I just want to change things up I just want to. . . do something.
I've just been thinking a lot. About a lot of random things, and the product of my thinking?
I need some one unexpected to bring something unexpected into my life and take me on a crazy, stupid adventure. Any one up for the job?
Monday, January 30, 2012
I want a boy, but not just any boy
I want a boy.
I want a boy who will hold my hand in public and make all the other girls jealous.
I want a boy who will surprise me with twenty-five cent rings.
I want a boy who will send me a text saying good morning every day.
I want a boy who will let me win some times, and who will beat me other times.
I want a boy who will bet me kisses. I want a boy who will push me on the swings.
I want a boy who will stay up late talking to me when I have nightmares.
I want a boy who will let me steal his clothes.
I want a boy who will look for reasons to spend time with me.
I want a boy who will make me think before I do things.
I want a boy who will start snowball fight with me.
I want a boy who will dance with me even though I'm clumsy.
I want a boy who will sing to me.
I want a boy who will keep the little notes I leave him.
I want a boy who will smile when I show up at his house with out any notice.
I want a boy who will forgive me my mistakes, and let me do the same.
I want a boy who will trust me with his secrets, no matter what.
I want a boy who will tell me when I'm being too stubborn.
I want a boy who will play in a rainstorm with me.
I want a boy who will save my texts.
I want a boy who will feel comfortable with me.
I want a boy who will show me off.
I want a boy who will hang out with my sisters.
I want a boy who will work to make himself a better person always.
I want a boy who will make me want to be a better person.
I want a boy who will let me send him goodnight texts every night.
I want a boy who will tease me.
I want a boy.
I want a boy who will hold my hand in public and make all the other girls jealous.
I want a boy who will surprise me with twenty-five cent rings.
I want a boy who will send me a text saying good morning every day.
I want a boy who will let me win some times, and who will beat me other times.
I want a boy who will bet me kisses. I want a boy who will push me on the swings.
I want a boy who will stay up late talking to me when I have nightmares.
I want a boy who will let me steal his clothes.
I want a boy who will look for reasons to spend time with me.
I want a boy who will make me think before I do things.
I want a boy who will start snowball fight with me.
I want a boy who will dance with me even though I'm clumsy.
I want a boy who will sing to me.
I want a boy who will keep the little notes I leave him.
I want a boy who will smile when I show up at his house with out any notice.
I want a boy who will forgive me my mistakes, and let me do the same.
I want a boy who will trust me with his secrets, no matter what.
I want a boy who will tell me when I'm being too stubborn.
I want a boy who will play in a rainstorm with me.
I want a boy who will save my texts.
I want a boy who will feel comfortable with me.
I want a boy who will show me off.
I want a boy who will hang out with my sisters.
I want a boy who will work to make himself a better person always.
I want a boy who will make me want to be a better person.
I want a boy who will let me send him goodnight texts every night.
I want a boy who will tease me.
I want a boy.
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