hello world. do you know how excited I am for next week to happen? So over the moon excited that I might explode. That excited. I cannot wait to see Celina! Only 8 more days! That is crazy! I stopped counting for a while because it felt like such a long time to say "only 48 more days" and then last night I realised how close it was! I am so excited to play with her.

We are going to go to girls camp and I am going to get to hear her share her testimony, which always reminds me why I believe what I do. We are going to play Disney Monopoly, I will finally be able to correct the fact that she won the last round last visit and be the reining champion once again. We are going to walk to the grocery store and buy french bread and ice cream, our silly traditions are my favorite. We are going to eat cough drops like candy. We are going to play a game of Uno and 3:49 in the morning, only turning on her book light. We are going to tell each other secrets. I am finally going to be able to put faces to the people in her stories. She is going to see my red hair. It is going to be a trip to remember.

The one and only negative thing I can think of is that I am SUPER nervous to fly by my self. I have only been on an airplane once and I hated it. I got sick and we missed our flight and my mother had a panic attack and we got lost in Chicago. It wasn't good. I must really love Cini if I am willing to fly again. I much prefer driving. I am super worried that I am going to miss my flight and be stuck some where, alone, for who knows how long. Or the plane with crash and I will die. Or I will have to sit next to a creeper. Or, or, or.

that is all.
taylor.

look guys I am writing here solely as a form of procrastination! again. I'm not sure why this is always where I go before facebook or any where else on the web. I come here before I even try to write a new chapter! That is ridiculous. I guess I just really enjoy talking to myself.

right now I am listening to The Beatles. They are wonderful. I was having bad dreams last night and couldn't sleep so I put them on and have been playing them since then. They just make me happy. Which is a hard thing to do right now. I am kind of down.

I need to get over that though. I have to be on the top of my game tomorrow if Gracie and I are going to teach our new ward how to do Girl's Camp correctly. from what I hear they have failed miserably every year up until now. failed to the point of rumors being spread, AT GIRLS CAMP! That is so not cool. it is supposed to be the one week of the year that we don't have to deal with icky girl fighting tactics. And on top of that last year there were a bunch of girls being left out! They contributed it to the ward being so big but that is crap. First ward is three times as big and they have never left some one out of anything! Gracie and I are determined to fix this.

You know I really hope that I get into the presidency when the current president leaves because there is so much that I could do for this ward.

OH! I never told you what I was procrastinating! I got distracted by The Beatles. I am putting off cleaning my room. I don't think it has ever been this dirty and it is driving me crazy. You know for how OCD I am about my room being clean, it gets messy really fast. It is just my clothes. I can't help but try on at least 10 different things every morning before I pick something and the rejects end up every where, laid in piles to be worn another day. It is horrible. And now that I have thought about it, it is bugging me more and more by the second and I have to go now.

that is all.
taylor.

have I mentioned that I really, really hate writer's block. it seems as though I always get it as soon as I start writing consistently and actually making progress. I must find a way to beat it if I am going to reach my goal of finishing by the end of this silly summer.

I cannot believe that we are already a month into summer. it feels like it just started a week ago and last night heather and I were talking about back to school shopping! time just seems to have flown past me so quickly. trek is over, girls camp is this week, and then heather's birthday and it is off to see cini! and when I get back from her house summer will be mostly over! crazy. . .

since I mentioned heather's birthday I should probably let you all know that I picked well when I choose her as my friend. she is turning 16 in two weeks and do you want to know what she asked me to get her? a blue light saber and pens. she is so wonderful. I love that I have friends like her. and I am planning something secret and cool for her on her birthday and I am so proud of myself for having kept it a secret for such a long time because I have had the idea for at least a month now and haven't told her. I feel like that is a record for me and secret keeping.

I am horrible at keeping secrets. its not that I don't want to keep them a secret it is just that they are so exciting and make me so happy that I want to share that happiness with the people around me. it is a horrible habit and I am trying to get better at it. I think that is why I hate surprises also. because I cannot believe that someone would keep something that cool hidden from me. it is silly, but oh well.

I've decided to grow my hair out long and wear it curly more often. It used to curl naturally, but it has been to short to do that for a few years now and I don't know if it still will when I grow it out. I hope it does because long, red, curly hair sounds good and it would be a pain to have to curl my hair every day. I mean I wouldn't mind too much, I would get really good at it pretty fast and it wouldn't take to long but still having it curl by itself is better. heather wants to grow her hair longer to and I think it is a good idea. long hair and lots of writing in our junior year sounds good to me.

it is weird to me that we are going to be in our junior year in two months. that means that I will be 17 in three month and 18 in two years and three months. two years, three months, and seven days to be exact. not that I am counting or anything. and two years sounds like a long time until I think of how fast this year went by. I am coming closer to the part where my life starts for real and it is slowly getting more and more exciting.

that is all.
taylor.

You guys, I hate myself just a little right now. Okay, more than just a little. I feel like crap. I cannot believe I got myself into this position. I have felt bad for some time now about something I have been doing.

I really like a boy. He makes me really happy. He knows all of my secrets, some that I didn't even know I was keeping until I told him. He always says the exact right thing to make me smile. I look forward to talking to him every day and when I get the chance to my heart beats a mile a minute and it gets hard to breath. But it shouldn't be like that.

After everything I went through with Macquel taking boy after boy from me I promised I would never do that to someone I loved. And you know what, I broke that promise. One of my best friends in the world liked this boy before I even met him. I should have stopped talking to him the moment I started to feel something for him. But I didn't.

I kept talking to him and now my friend is hurt in a way that I never intended to hurt her and I don't think there is any way I can fix it at this point no matter how hard I try. And just to make it worse she keeps trying to tell me that it is fine, that it isn't my fault, that she did this to herself. That is the worst part of this whole thing. and I hate myself a whole lot more than a little bit because of it.

that is all.
taylor.

Guess what you guys? At this very moment in time I am supposed to be writing. I am supposed to have a chapter done by the morning. Alas, I have little more than a page written and I am stuck. I really need to get this chapter done because I left the last one with a deadly cliffhanger.

And now, at this very second Mike is asking me how it is coming and I am debating wither or not
I should tell him that for a moment I have completely given up to talk to who ever happens to read this. I don't think I will, he will find out eventually. . .
I really want to get to 200 pages. And heather just took off er bra. It was odd because I looked over at her and she pulled it out of the top of her shirt. I bet she wouldn't appreciate me telling you all that but she will get over it.

My legs really hurt. I just walked a lot. In a skirt in the mountains pulling a hand cart. And my baby Emma Jane died on the last day but my Pa ran back to her grave and dug her up so that I could keep her. She is next to me right not. And she is very dirty. I should probably wash her. I bet she doesn't appreciate being covered in dirt from her grave. I was very dirty when I got home. I don't think I have ever been that dirty in my life. It was horribly gross.

Any who, I should probably get back to my chapter now. . .

wish me luck.
taylor.

My soul has been enlightened to great compunctions because of my augmented unfamiliarity with my blog in recent days. I desiderate for your amnesty oh puissant readers. I will endeavor to remedy the situation posthaste.

Curse Mr. Burnah for being nice to me. He gave me extra credit so that I would pass his class. And that in it's self, is wonderful. The cursing part come in when you find out that because I was going to fail I didn't go to an attendance school for his class. And now, I don't have enough attendance school left to get done. And I am freaking out just a little bit!!!
that is all.
taylor

Here, read some lovely quotes:

Being happy does not mean that everything is perfect. It means that you have decided to look beyond the imperfections.

The coroner will find ink in my veins and blood on my keyboard.

It's not about the money we make, it's about the passion we ache for.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time you do.

If you are not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space.

That which we persist in doing becomes easier to do, not that the nature of the things has changed but that the power to do has increased.

The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted at all.

Just because it is weird doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

You are not what you were born to be. . . but what you have it in yourself to become.

The future belongs to those who believe in their dreams.

Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they tell us dragons can be beaten.

You are braver than you believe, stranger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

Don't be afraid your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

Every man dies, but not every man lives.

The most beautiful discovery true friends can make is that they can grow separately with out growing apart.

Don't take life seriously, no one gets out alive anyways.

that is all.
taylor

That is it, she won, and I give up. Just thought I would announce it to the world.

The way I see it the world is going to hurt you,

And your family should be who you turn to when it does,

Your friends are the family you choose for yourself,

Your true love will be your best friend,

When you are in love the world isn’t so scary,

When the world isn’t scary it has now power,

When it has no power it cannot hurt you.

So why can’t we all come together in a great ring-around-the-roses circle and become each others family?

I now understand how history has a way of repeating itself. . .

Once upon a not so long ago time, in a not so far away land there was a girl. Just a girl. She wasn't exceptionally pretty, or ugly, smart, or stupid. she didn't stand out in anything, bad or good. she was just. . . a girl. and she was okay with that. There had been a time when she wasn't, when she wanted to be different and would do anything to become so but she had become happy with who she was. She was just a girl, and that was okay, and nothing could change that. And she lived happily ever after.

the end.