You guys, I hate myself just a little right now. Okay, more than just a little. I feel like crap. I cannot believe I got myself into this position. I have felt bad for some time now about something I have been doing.
I really like a boy. He makes me really happy. He knows all of my secrets, some that I didn't even know I was keeping until I told him. He always says the exact right thing to make me smile. I look forward to talking to him every day and when I get the chance to my heart beats a mile a minute and it gets hard to breath. But it shouldn't be like that.
After everything I went through with Macquel taking boy after boy from me I promised I would never do that to someone I loved. And you know what, I broke that promise. One of my best friends in the world liked this boy before I even met him. I should have stopped talking to him the moment I started to feel something for him. But I didn't.
I kept talking to him and now my friend is hurt in a way that I never intended to hurt her and I don't think there is any way I can fix it at this point no matter how hard I try. And just to make it worse she keeps trying to tell me that it is fine, that it isn't my fault, that she did this to herself. That is the worst part of this whole thing. and I hate myself a whole lot more than a little bit because of it.
that is all.
taylor.
1 comment:
Taylor, I love you very much. It's not even funny. No boy will ever even amount to how much I love you. You're always so nice to me no matter what, and you will tell me I'm gorgeous even if I look like a dead hooker. Then you'll tell me I look like a dead hooker.
So please, please, please, please, please don't hate yourself over something that isn't your fault. I PROMISE it's not your fault. And I know that you'll just try to hate yourself more because I'm making it worse in your head, but trust me. Like in Aladdin when Jasmine trusts him to keep her safe on a magic carpet. That's how you should trust me on this.
There's nothing to fix. The thing that would make me happiest is if you would please just keep on loving this boy. Because I know you'll try to convince yourself you don't love him. And that is a lie. Don't lie. This may sound strange, but I'd rather have you keep on loving him and have him reject you so we could blame him then have you force yourself to stop loving him and then you only blame yourself. It's not a very good way to say that, but that's the truth.
P.S. I suck with words. Obviously.
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