today was not a good day. I realise I have bored you all with summaries of my day for the last couple of posts and I will not do that to you again. I make no promise about venting though because the person I usually vent to isn't on the computer right now and I have a lot to say.

The first thing that is bothering me is that I feel as though I am not needed any more. Normally I do a lot for my family. I cook, and I clean, and I lend emotional support. and while I complain about that, I secretly love it more than any thing in the world. I love being needed. Lately though, my sisters all seem to have figured out that they are strong capable women and don't need me to do so many things for them. They also realised that I am not their only sister and they can go to the other sisters for support. Kelsie and Gracen have formed their own little club, they sleep together, kelsie goes and eats lunch with her at school, and they tell each other all of their secrets. And I think that is great. Except for the fact that they aren't telling me their secrets any more. Then Faith as hit that icky preteen stage where she believes she is ruler of the universe and there for about very one else and she defiantly isn't coming to me for advice.

The second thing that is bothering me is that I feel as though I am not trusted any more. I haven't ever done anything really bad. I have never done damage that couldn't be fixed to any one. Yes, I have done stupid things, but I was mostly hurting myself, and who doesn't have bad moments? I have always been responsible when it comes to my sisters. So why is it that my parents are so freaked out about leaving them with me for three days? They don't trust me enough to drive the car while they are gone, or to let my sisters out of my sight for more than five minutes, to the point where they told us we couldn't leave the house except for school because they don't trust that I can keep life running with out them. It's not like I have ever been left alone for longer than this, or watched their kids.

The third thing that is bothering me is that I feel as though I am not holding my head together very well this last week. I keep having to remind myself every five minutes that I am a great person who deserves every good thing in the world. I am just thinking dark, depressing thoughts and I don't know why. And I do not know how long I am going to be able to keep it up. I am so exhausted by the end of the day that I can't remember what I am doing and I can't keep my eyes open. I think this is what Mike would describe as deep blue funk and I can't shake it.

well, that was a vent, in case you wondered, so I am glad I didn't promise not to give you one of those. In fact, that was three vents. Now, I have to think of something I am talented at to show my seminary class tomorrow. Wish me luck with that one. . .

that is all.
taylor.