I think I might be done with this boy soon. He is proving not to be worth the time.

The Vow (2012) - Official Trailer [HD]

Obviously I am a sucker for a good love story, and this trailer made me cry and immediatly decide to watch this the second it comes out no matter what.

I hope some one will agree to go with me.

"Penguins are very funny birds. They walk with a waddle, they're shaped like a bottle, they are really quite absurd."

I want to be a penguin when I grow up.

They seem to have everything going for them.

They slid around on their bellies.

They are always dressed their best.

They are loyal.

They help each other out.

They share and take turns.

They are quite wonderful, I think we should all make the change.

that is all.
taylor.

p.s. ten points and a proposal to anyone who can name the movie that quote at the beginning comes from.

who:









what:








where:




when:
when the stupid snow finally decides to make an appearance!!! I am SO ready for it to be time to play in the snow, enough of this cold and dry crap!

that is all.
taylor.

The facts as they stand:

1.the day I stop trying to catch snowflakes on my tongue is the day my childhood dies

2.when I go out side in my father's shirt, I should expect the whole neighborhood to be out there waiting to see just how lovely my underwear is, because they will be.

3.when I am sick, there are never enough blog posts to keep me entertained.

4.I probably use to much lotion. I'm okay with that.

5.When it is cold outside, I like to wear as little clothing as possible. it is a bit backwards but I like the feeling of the hairs standing up on the back of my arms. it makes me feel alive.

6.my caffeine intake is a problem. six months off didn't help it any.

7.wehn you siwtch aornud the ltteres lkie tihs I neevr ntoice.

8.I really wish I could beat some one at ultimate tic-tac-toe. just once? please?

9.christmas break is so close I can almost taste it and the lack of snow is starting to concern me. the later it comes the later it stays, and I am against snow in june.

10.my brain is tired and I bet I am out before 10:30, again, after sleeping the last three days.

that is all.
taylor.

Any one else think these tights are the bee's knees?


also, do bees even have knees? and if so, why are they so cool?

I am young and I am invincible and I am alive.

I like things loud. My music, my voice, my arguments, my car. I refuse to pass through quietly.

I like things bright. My hair, my nails, my clothes, my thoughts. I refuse to show a watered down version.

I like things different. My habits, my personality, my quarks, my friends. I refuse to conform to what everyone else is doing.

I like things unpredictable. My adventures, my day, my conversations, my mood. I refuse to waste my life spending my time on repeat.

I like things spicy. I like things exciting. I like things happening. I like things interesting. I like things new. I like things happy. I like things.

I am young and I am invincible and I am alive and I like it that way.

Today I took a five hour nap. Not quite five hours, but close enough. four hours and 56 minutes. see? that is plenty close to five hours. and now, it is night time and I am not sleepy anymore. I wish it would just be morning already.

School starts again in the morning. and that part isn't so exciting. the oh so exciting part comes in that once school starts again, there are only three weeks till christmas break. see? oh so exciting. I cannot wait until Christmas. it has got to be the most wonderful holiday in the universe.

I am in love with every single aspect of it. I am in love with the lights and ornaments and tinsel that make every thing sparkly. I am in love with the snow (at least until christmas is over) that makes sledding and snowball fights possible and leads to hot chocolate and blankets in front of the fire. I am in love with the music that sings of peace on earth and good will to men and other things that are so great and idealistic and only exist in the spirit of christmas. I am in love with christmas cookies and christmas parties and christmas sweaters.

I am in love with gift wrap and bows and boxes and bags. I am in love with sneaking presents around cloak and dagger style. I am in love with the suspense of christmas eve and the sleep over with my sisters on that night. I am in love with the cheesy christmas movies that play on TV all month long. I am in love with trips to temple square and trips to the McFate's. I am in love with pepermint and gingerbread and gumdrops.

I am just generally in love with the entire season.

that is all.
taylor.

I do enjoy writing. and apparently I'm crazy also.

I do sometimes sound very crazy. I say things like "we like this" and "we must have hear you wrong." when it should just be "I did this" and "I must have heard you wrong." and when i say those things people look at me like I'm crazy. which, you know, if understandable. except the voices in my head are my characters, and so I don't feel like that makes me crazy.

it probably does.

any way. . .

i do most of my writing in my head. i would much rather sit and think about the chapter for a week or two or maybe even a month or two before trying to write it than to sit down and just go with it. i like to think about it, plot it out, decide who says what when, and get it all perfect in my head a few dozen times before i ever put a word down on paper and then once i put my fingers to my keyboard i can pull all of that out of my head in a few hours and get a very nice chapter.

i've been in that thinking stage for the rewrite of the first chapter of marks for about a month now. okay, more like two months but that is okay. and you know what? i am still not ready to put the words down. i haven't had enough time to really thing. i haven't had any time where i can turn off the lights and close my eyes and listen while my characters run dialog. i haven't had enough time to go take a walk and let the logistics fall into place with the beat of my feet. i haven't had time to sit in my car and watch every move they make and every expression that crosses their faces.

my brain has been distracted by thoughts of edgar allen poe and systems of equations and sisters and sickness and holidays. and my time had been taken up by homework and clothes and naps and cookies and new cds and over all things that are good in nature but very bad for me in the way that they take up my brain space. i really need to get caught up on sleep and homework and then take christmas break (which is not nearly close enough) to do things like go running in the cold and driving in the dark and thinking and plotting and dialog-running.

that is all.
taylor.

Well. . .
I'm about to rant about my period and the strange things it does to me. If you are like me father and don't want to know anything about this and the word period made you feel awkward, I apologize. Stop reading. If you do want to know, I question you but go ahead and read. You will be glad you aren't me right now.


First off. My ovaries are exploding. and if you weren't aware, explosions in your belly are not fun. I can't imagine anyone would think they were. I mean, go watch a nice action movie (I suggest Battle: LA) and watch those explosions. Then picture that happening inside of your belly. Fun, isn't it?

Next. Mother Nature decided it would be fun to throw in a bunch of crazy hormones to the box when she sent your monthly gift. So on top of being in pain, I am cranky. And I yell at people. and then I cry. and then I go off and try to eat my boyfriends face. only not really, I just think about it. then cry because he was busy and couldn't come get a soda with me during lunch. and then my clothes fell off in the car, and I was glad he wasn't there, because that would not be appropriate in any way.

And because that isn't enough. I get to be so tired that I cannot even see straight. too tired, in fact, to sleep at all. and I have not slept for more than 10 minutes in the last two days. that isn't healthy. and it defiantly doesn't help with the 'emotional wreck' thing I was talking about a few minutes ago.

It is a good thing break starts tomorrow and I don't have to go to school. I can't be held accountable for my actions during my 'time of the month.'

that is all.
best of luck.
taylor.

Mike,

send an email to the following address to get your next destination.

hanna_banana38@yahoo.com

love,
me.

p.s. please no one else email her. thanks.

I've decided to be thankful this week in honor of thanksgiving. My friends are great and they don't hear that enough, so I am going to leave them all a message somewhere, saying why I love them, and why I am thankful for them. The messages will come in different ways, but they will come. I'll report back in a week.

I wait for two hours every day after school to drive my sisters home. I am late for school at least three times a week because they can't get out the door. I help them with their home work. and I clean a lot. and I never get thanked for any of that. So yes, occasionally I am going to complain. and you know what? I thought that was okay. I thought my sisters would understand if I got irritated wasting so much of my time every day and not getting home until 4 when I get out of school at 2:15. But apparently not.

Apparently when I say that I hate how inconvenient it is to sit waiting for two hours what I really mean is that I hate my sisters and how dare they inconvenience me, the great and powerful ruler of the universe with their schooling. And apparently their lives suck and they want to kill themselves because I complain about how long I wait every once and a while.

And apparently nothing I do is good enough. and apparently I don't get to have feelings. Apparently I am just there to listen to their problems, and to clean up after them, and to give them rides, but I can't even need to go somewhere myself, or feel something myself, or want something to be mine and just mine because my clothes are theirs and my books are theirs and my computer, and pens, and notebooks, and pictures, and anything else that I thought was mine, is really theirs and I shouldn't complain when they get them dirty or ruin them or leave them lying around the house to get lost because I can't care because I'm not allowed to feel anything.

And apparently I am lazy because I don't have a job, but I can't go get a job because I don't get home until after four, and then I would have to drive to work and it makes it really hard to get a job when you can't work until five.

Glad to know where I stand with my family.

Well, in case you wondered I have wonderful characters. Emery is great and I would marry Eli, and Skyler has so many issues, and Micheal Morgan has joined in to my cast of abusive fathers. (does anyone else wonder why I have so many of those? I do, because most people write what they know (which explains Emery's mother) and my daddy is my best friend.) Emery's siblings all have their own personality, despite their large number and I have no trouble keeping them straight, Jonah is a perfect foil to Skyler, and Marley Waters irritates the crap out of every one. See? wonderful characters.

At this point you must be wondering what the problem is, because there is always a problem. So I will tell you. I have no plot. I have thought up a few things but nothing really wonderful. I know that Emery is going to get scared and not let Skyler into her life right away. I know that Skyler is not going to have any choice in the matter and will break the attachment procedure with her. I know that Emery is going to go on a blind date with one of Eli's friends, and this friend will end up being her boyfriend for a while. I know that this boy is going to be a jerk. I know that Skyler will be the one to help her realise this. I know that she will eventually have to let him in and they will fall in love. I know that Skyler will have to move just after Christmas. I know that he will come back and they will be happy together. I know all of that, but none of it really makes for a plot. and I don't know enough about what Skyler is doing while Emery is dealing with Jerk Face. Jerk Face needs a name also.

oh well. I will write and I will get words down and some how they will form a story. I hope.

wish me luck.
taylor.

Well, it is that time of year. National Novel Writing Month is upon us and this year, I am going to participate. Now, I promise nothing, only because November happens to be the month that I am sick most often, but I am going to try and do the near impossible. 50,000 words in a month. That is 1,667 words a day. or 69 and a half words every hour. Yes, I do realise this is crazy, but crazy people have more fun than 'normal' people. Especially when said crazy people are crazy with friends named heather and mike and have lots and lots of caffeine in their lives. Wish me luck. . .

This week was wonderful, despite a most atrocious beginning. You see, it started horribly. So horribly that I thought the world should end and I should just die then. It started with me getting a speeding ticket.
You read that right. Taylor Ann Lapp, one of the few people in the state who does not consistently go five over the limit every time they drive, got a speeding ticket. Getting this ticket, of course, caused me a full blown panic attack. I freaked out big time, to the point of the police officer asking if I needed an ambulance and did not regain my composure until well into third period. I did regain it though, and from that point on my week was amazing.
What, you may ask, made this week amazing? Well I will give you a list, because lists are wonderful, and I will make this list in chronological order because that is also amazing.

• hanging out with Ben after school.
• playing 'yes no' with the young women.
• scavenger hunt in the mall.
• Hoopla.
• Sleeping in a rather small bed with Heather and Aubri.
• Sitting and watching movies ALL day long.
• Getting hyped up on caffeine.
• Sleeping in.
• Getting the house clean.
• Zupas and ice cream.
• Late night Harry Potter viewing with heather.
• Another sleep over with that darling midget.
• A football game with Ben (Football = :( Ben= :) )
• Sitting with Dad for a while.
• Finally getting Cini on the phone and realising she will be here in three weeks.
  
• Going to bed early.
• Making plans with Sister Emmie to watch Criminal Minds.
• Home teaching with Dad.
• Yummy cookies.
• Amazing Race.

You see? That is a long list of wonderful things that happened on this short week with a long weekend. And now? back to school (and term finals) we go.

so there is a website that I love. I visit it at least once a day, and I bet you would love it too. you should go visit. look, you are done reading this and wondering "what should I do now, facebook? . . ." The answer is not facebook. the answer is to go to your address bar and type: oneword.com because I am to lazy to add a link. go, enjoy. and remember to eat good food when you want it.

that is all.
taylor.

I do enjoy quotes, don't you?

If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don't write, because our culture has no use for it. ~Anais Nin

If I fall asleep with a pen in my hand, don't remove it - I might be writing in my dreams. ~Terri Guillemets

An original writer is not one who imitates nobody, but one whom nobody can imitate. ~Chateaubriand

Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven on by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand. ~George Orwell

One must be drenched in words, literally soaked in them, to have the right ones form themselves into the proper pattern at the right moment. ~Hart Crane

The two most engaging powers of an author are to make new things familiar and familiar things new. ~Samuel Johnson

The best style is the style you don't notice. ~Somerset Maugham

The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~Anaïs Nin

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you. ~Ray Bradbury

And by the way, everything in life is writable if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. ~Sylvia Plath

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. ~William Wordsworth

Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. ~Anton Chekhov

The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter - it's the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning. ~Mark Twain

Writing is easy: All you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead. ~Gene Fowler

Ink on paper is as beautiful to me as flowers on the mountains; God composes, why shouldn't we? ~Terri Guillemets

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one. ~Baltasar Gracián

Who knew 'finishing' my book would wipe me out so completely, when it isn't even really finished, it still needs work. But the work must wait because I have no words, or to many words, or not quite enough words. They are there, running through my head every second of the day.

Words about Emery, and Skyler, and Eli, and Tristan, and Lyla, and Maxwell, and Larry the mortuary boy, and Kyzle with a silent z, and Heather, and Mike, and Faith, and Celina, and Addy Sue, and my hair spray, and my computer, and my leadership teacher, and that one white dress I had that one time, and where did it go?, and the mattress that won't stay on the couch like it should, and the purple blanket that is perfect, and the old house, and the worlds best park that has all my memories in it, and Mrs. Ellis (whose first name is Kathleen), and, and, and.

So many words that I keep listening to the same song on repeat because any more than one and my brain would be exploding with lyrics and notes and measures and beats and rhythms and this song is so nice and tells me to stay and sleep and not go out because it is cold out there and warm in here and he loves me so it is okay and we will be alright as long as I stay with him.

The words won't come out of my head though, they are broken up, and disconbobulated, and jumbled, and mashed together into a yarn ball that would break records and I can't find an end to pull on and start weaving a sweater with and the snow is coming soon so I need a sweater and my brain hurts from looking.

that is all.
taylor.

Two days, 6 hours, five minutes until my dead line. And three chapters. I think if I kick it in to high gear and write another 15-20 pages tonight I will finish. I just have to not procrastinate (which of course it what this blog post is) and not (heaven forbid) get writers block in the next 54 hours.

three chapters. that is all. that is crazy.

that is all.
taylor.

Here, have some thoughts from my brain, I have spares.

Dear, love, honey, sweetheart. . . take your pick, I enjoy ridiculous pet names. they make me swoon. but do you want to know a secret? there is one word that when added to any of them not only makes me swoon, they make my heart skip a beat, my stomach turn over, and completely wins me over. My. put those two letters before any of those lovely pet names and you will have won over my heart. I'm not sure what it is about indicating ownership that is so incredibly charming but it is a fact. My dear, my love, and my lady in particular. They make me giddy.


I sometimes wonder why people care about being popular so much. don't much see the point in spending these three years in high school giving up all shreds of individuality to attain this barbie doll image that is deemed cool. sure, you get to sit next to the head cheerleader at lunch, and you might get a hansom beau, but what will that matter in a few years when no one remembers who you are and that boy has moved on to his next pretty blonde? i would much rather be me and enjoy my time listening to veggie tales in the parking lot and wearing christmas sweaters in september. at least I will be able to look back on these years and see something i don't regret.



I hate illnesses. and i hate kidney stones. for those of you who have never had one (which of course in the majority of the population) consider yourself lucky. they are the absolute worst. and they hurt. and they make you throw up, and dizzy, and even more uncoordinated than you usually are which is bad if you are me. i would much prefer for the good doctor to have told me i actually got the flu from gracie. curses.


I really have no desire to go to class after lunch ever. even more than i don't want to go to first period because my bed is warm and sleeping is so nice, i want to be lazy after lunch. and this year my two favorite classes are after lunch. i should avoid having a fourth period next year. granted i would still have to wait around until 3:30 to get faith and drive gracie home but i have no qualms about that. i would much prefer to be lazy in my car for 3 hours than to go back to school after lunch.

I have 6 days, 7 hours, and 24 minutes until my dead line and do you want to know who the loudest voice in my head is right now? It isn't Emmerson, or Owen, or Chris, and it defiantly isn't Larain. It is no one even remotely related the the story at hand. It is Tristan. He is just full of things to say and I can't write them down right now because I need to focus. sheesh, he has the worst timing!

Today I was told that I have a Mary Poppins bag. This is not the first time I have heard this, and I suppose it is more than slightly true.
would you care to see?in case you can't tell I will list those things you are looking at that I just dumped out of my purse.

1. 5 different lotions (gumdrop, pomegranate, coconut passion, romantic wish, and peppermint.)
2. a mountain dew (caffeine free) and a revive vitamin water (empty)
3. 4 perfumes (cupcake, vanilla, butterfly kisses, and white gardenia)
4. 3 bottles of pills (Excedrin Migraine, Ibuprofen, and Pamprin)
5. School stuff (two binders, a math text book, two notebooks, and the clipboard with the writing notebook, a small notebook filled with letters to people, and a book to read)
   
6. a deck of cards
7. a small teddy bear named Fredric.
8. antibiotic ointment
9. lip gloss (bright red, dark red, and sunshine flavored)
10. chapstick (vanilla, bert's bees, and skittles)
11. pink lipstick
12. two packs of gum (mint and watermelon)
13. $5.26
14. A for strength of youth and personal progress pocket sized books.
15. temple recommend.
16. a ten dollar off coupon for old navy.
17. bandaids.
18. library card
19. drivers licence
20. fold-able flats and the bag they go in.
21. a hair bow
22. post-it notes
23. a headband.
24. a clean tee shirt
25. my phone charger (and normally my phone but I was using its camera)
    
26. nail polish remover
27. fingernail polish (red and silver)
28. fingernail clippers
29. two inhalers (because one isn't enough.)
30. deodorant
    
31. m&ms
32. a pin wheele
    
33. a bag containing over 50 pens and pencils.
34. cough drops
35. Oreos and candy
36. and this lovely pink blanket
    

That is ridiculous, why do I carry this stuff around with me?

1.My name is Taylor Ann and I talk to myself.

2.I always thought it would be cool to marry someone by the name of Taylor Taylor, then we would be Taylor Ann Taylor and Taylor Taylor. and it would be good.

3.I often forget that I am supposed to capitalise things and even more often I use an s where there should be a z because the s is easier to reach.

4.I may or may not be more than a bit infatuated with a boy I have never really met.

5.I also may or may not have imagined what our lives would be like if we were together and in love.

6.I like to dance in the park and greatly wish to skip school and go gallivanting with my best friend.

7.My group of friends at lunch consists of a floozy and her boy, an indie, an emo, a perfectionist, a drama boy who follows me around because I am to nice to tell him to leave, and me.

8.I enjoy history, because it is like story time.

9.I have a baby doll named Emma-Jane and a teddy bear named Butterscotch. I sleep with both.

10.I own 15 skirts, and a few dresses, and I wear them more often than I wear pants.

11.I enjoy writing for the sheer pleasure of seeing my thoughts put to paper.

12.I step on the cracks in the sidewalk.

13.I have a seven step plan to get a boy to be my friend again, step 6 is to get him to text me, and my father says step 8 is to marry him but I disagree.

14.I would sell my soul for ice cream.

15.I will be 17 in 23 days and have never been on a real date (because the dance that I asked a boy to doesn't count as a date, it is a dance. they are different.)

16.I make rainbow cupcakes when I am sad.

17.I listen to my music too loud, and people some times stare, but I don't really care.

18.I dislike shoes, and end up taking them off half way through the day most every day.

19.I have only been able to smell for the last 5 months, and it fascinates me.

20.I build a wall of blankets on my bed so I can't fall off.

21.I have a collage on my wall, it looks like this:
22.I am a hopeless romantic and find myself daily with the aching desire to go do things like eat cupcakes in the dark, slow dance to the old man next doors music, put ice cream on the end of his nose so I can kiss it off, and wander aimlessly while holding hands. I very much wish to be in love.

23.I delete my texts as soon as I am done with the conversation because I hate the clutter they leave when they are in my inbox, but my room is hopelessly cluttered.

24.I try on at least 4 outfits every morning, and make my sisters decide for me in the end.

25.I have a strange combination of ADD, OCD, and procrastinationitis.

26.I change the way I have my clothes organised when I get bored, right now they are sorted first into long sleeved, short sleeved, jackets, pants, and skirts and then with in those categories by color, the order of the colors being alphabetical. It took me about 3 hours to get this perfect.

27.I have loony toons on my sheets, and whinnie the pooh on my pillow cases, I also have 7 pillows on my bed because I like sleeping while surrounded by things. I really hope my husband likes to cuddle all night, because I would enjoy that.

28.I have very irregular sleeping habits and my body can't decide if it wants to be awake in the early morning or the late night, so it switches daily.

29.I have started sleeping in more and more every day, I haven't gotten out of bed before 6:25 once in the last 2 weeks.

30. I greatly enjoy the organization of lists, to the point where it is very near creepy and obsessive.

31.I make it easy to think that I am a druggie because my head has hurt for the majority of the last 4 months, and I have started eating ibuprofen like my life depends on it, which it does. so I guess I am a druggie in some ways, but not really.

32.I own a lot of lotion, my favorite of which is called romantic wish and is from bed bath and beyond. it smells like lilacs and sugar cookies in my opinion, but I don't know what it really is.

33.I sing very loudly and off key when I am alone in the house, and some times when I'm not.

34.I wish for my birthday this year to be filled with balloons, preferably of many colors, skipping school, the zoo, ice cream, and possibly using the date as leverage to get a favor from the boy. . . (why yes, I do have a diabolical plan in store, thank you for asking.)

35. I have grand plans for my 18th birthday, some of which include a road trip and brightly colored hair.

36.I want to finish writing my book by the 21st of this month, that is in 13 days and I need to start writing faster, especially if I wish to be cool and edit the first 12 chapters (which were written in 8th grade before I learned english) by this dead line.

37.I talk to much when I get tired, I tend to babble and any one who will listen will get to hear my life's story, just like you are hearing now. That is how I scare away a lot of people, but it is also how I figure out which friends are keepers.

38.I enjoy the fact that utah county is filled with lots of little shops filled with wonders that few have encountered yet, and I feel the same about down town salt lake and wish I had more time to go exploring there.

39.I feel like college is going to be a marvelous adventure filled with bike rides, roof top concerts, and cheep food and I will enjoy it greatly.

40.I feel like high school is going to be a marvelous adventure filled with figuring out how to survive, getting a job, and pretty much living college on a mini scale with out some of the responsibility.

41.I recently decided that I am a pretty cool person and I should be friends with myself.

42.I enjoy my clipboards, yes plural clipboards, I own 4 and a half, the have because I broke one the other night. It was very sad and I held a funeral, me and my baby sister were the only attendees, the clipboard was shy and didn't have many friends.

43.I am very strange and have many peculiar quarks such as writing in the storage room or on the island in the middle of the street when I get writer's block because they seem like good places to see something you didn't before.

44.I wish I wasn't so antisocial, and to help myself with this I've started to refuse to let myself look at the ground when walking in the halls and when I am looking up I feel awkward so I start smiling at strangers like they are my best friend. I receive many strange looks while doing this.

45.I have become addicted to facebook and update my status far to often for it to be healthy but I can't seem to get myself to stop. I like when I get on and have multiple notifications, internet love is the greatest.

46.When I get cold I get even more peculiar and start putting on layers until I cannot move my arms any more, at which point I turn on my space heater (the better of the two I own) and sit in front of it reading. I like the way the pages radiate a rich aroma when the hot air blows over them.

47.I have a very full closet. I have many jackets, they occupy more than half of my closet space, and I have a nice collection of peacoats (a red one, a yellow one, a purple and grey one, a brown and white checkered one, and a blue one.) I also have lots of sweaters, and few tee shirts and keep the sheets that are mine in the top of it.

48.I get extremely cranky when i am on my period. like, not even funny, evacuate the area type of cranky. and I crave salty things, mostly potato chips and bacon.

49.I think my deodorant smells quite amazing, it is called sexy intrigue, and when I were it with my cupcake perfume I am amazed at how good I smell.

50.I only wrote this so I could keep myself awake for an hour in case the boy woke up because I really want to talk with him more, but it has been more than an hour and he hasn't returned so I am assuming he won't and going to sleep now. We will talk in my dreams (which sounds creepy, probably because it is.)

yes, today is national kiss a stranger day.

yes, I did participate.

yes, he did blush, quite a lot.

yes, I do love this holiday.

that is all.

taylor.

today:
head hurts.
need sleep.
need to write.
the Odyssey is too long.
Josh Gracin.
incomplete sentences.
16 outfits tried on.
still in pajamas.
skittles chapstick.
pea coats.
lists are good.

that is all.
taylor.

The birthday of a good friend and making him a cake he won't eat.
a rooftop concert and a bike ride at dusk.
driving and laughing.
loud music and the windows down.
bangles and dancing.
sleeping in and a clean room.
Writing and naps in the park.
cops and robbers and a boy pushing you on the swings.
panic attacks and the boy singing to make it better.
giving up, because it doesn't matter if you win and doing your best tomorrow.
smurfs cereal and popsicles.
big hair bows and good friends.
great aunt Stephine's funeral and not running red lights.
shaving parties and free muffins.
inspiration hitting too late at night and church coming too early in the morning.
hot chocolate and death noodles.
good books and better conversations.
jumbled up words and funny jokes.

that is what this weekend consisted of, and it was wonderful.

the wonderful hot chocolate I am craving:

The amount of milk you think you can drink
Twice the amount of chocolate powder called for
four shakes of cinnamon
one shake of nutmeg
about a teaspoon vanilla

Mix it all together then warm it up, preferably on the stove but the microwave will do.

Top with whipped cream, then a little more cinnamon to make it pretty.

stick a candy cane in it if you are feeling adventurous.

I am really cold. And it makes no sense to be cold at this point. Heather is sitting next to me in shorts and a tee shirt and she isn't cold. I am cold though, and I am wearing a tank top, two long sleeve shirts, a tee shirt, a hoodie, a big red coat, gloves, short, jeans, sweat pants, and two pairs of fuzzy socks. Why am I still cold? I can't decided if the next layer is going to be a blanket or a hat, because both have their disadvantages.

The blanket would make it harder to type, especially because it is already hard enough in gloves with my arms so heavily wrapped. They are had enough to move as it is, I shouldn't really add a blanket. The hat would ruin my hair though, and my hair is quite nice at the moment because I did it, and I really have no desire to ruin it. I could just turn on the space heater, but then heather would complain to me that it is hot. oh this is difficult.

that is all.
taylor.

Today I was informed that I use the word swoon quite a bit. And you know what, that is probably true. It is probably true because quite a few things make me swoon. and I enjoy those things immensely. Well, when I told this person that, they asked me what exactly the word swoon meant and so I told them. and now, I am telling you.

Definition according to dictionary.com:

swoon /swun/ Show Spelled[swoon]

verb (used without object)
1. to enter a state of hysterical rapture* or ecstasy

*rapture:
2. an utterance or expression of ecstatic delight.

3. the carrying of a person to another place or sphere of existence.

(I had to include the rapture definition for those of you who would think the word was referencing the end of the world or a dinosaur.)


Definition according to me:

Swoon [Swoon]

1. When a boy makes your stomach go all topsy-turvy and butterfly filled.



Things that make me swoon:

1) When I hug a boy and he puts his hand on the small of my back.

2) Dierks Bentley and Josh Turner's voices.

3) when a boy brushes the hair out of my face.

4) when certain boys smile at me.

5)when a boy uses my first and middle name.

6) when a boy kisses me up against a wall (never actually happened, but I can imagine. . .)

7) Boys from books.

8) when a boy plays with my fingers.

9) Boys who dance.

hmmm. . . there are more things that I could list but I am too lazy right now. I should sleep, but I am waiting for mike to finish his chapter so I can read it already.

that is all.
taylor.

The following are the lyrics to my favorite song at the moment. It is titled Up on the Ridge, by Dierks Bentley (whose voice makes me swoon):

Lets blow out these city lights
Lets just leave it all behind
Get up where the air is still
You can hear the whippoorwill
Start a fire, pass the shine,
Won't be home till mornin' time.
Shout your name out in the wind
Confess my love for you again
Give you all I got to give,
That's how we live up on the ridge.

Won't you come with me tonight
Where the moonlight drifts into your eyes
I just want one little kiss
When we get high up on the ridge

Hey now honey child we'd be runnin' free and wild
No one care what you do
Ain't no law to answer to
Dance around in the dirt
Listen to them crickets chirp
Hear old Jake start to howl
When he hears that ol' hoot owl
Give you all I got to give
That's how we live up on the ridge

Won't you come with me tonight
Where the moonlight drifts into your eyes
I just want one little kiss
When we get high up on the ridge

Come on girl it's almost dawn
Lets get it 'fore the magic gone
Tall tall grass all around
Come on lay that blanket down
Wild flowers just like you
Lay on me like mornin' dew
Now take my hand walk with me
Sun come up through them trees
Give you all I got to give
That's how we live up on the ridge

Won't you come with me tonight
Where the moonlight drifts into your eyes
I just want one little kiss
When we get high up on the ridge

I just want on little kiss
when we get high up on the ridge.

I'm feeling like a hopeless romantic today. And these pictures pretty much sum up what I want to be doing right now. In case you wondered.

I thought this was cool, so I am going to tell you about it. Actually I'm not going to tell you about it I am going to give you the web address I read it at and I could make it a link but I am too lazy. You should go read it anyway, because like I said, I thought it was cool.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/44273287/ns/technology_and_science-space/

One day down 179 to go! IF you ignore the fact that it is gross to b learning at 7:45 in the morning my day was very good. My first period class is interior design and I don't think I will enjoy it as much as I wished I would but I will definitely learn a lot. The funny thing about that class is that there is only one boy in the class and he is such a nerd. And before you go thinking that is rude of me to say you have to know that I am not just passing judgment, I know him quite well seeing as he practically stalked me for the majority of last year.

Second period is math and I am going to deny the fact that it might end up being my favorite class this semester. It is going to be a challenge, which is good because math hasn't been for a while now, and i like my teacher and I am one of two girls in the class. I sit in the back corner so I can get away with writing and in front of me sits a red head named Philip, who makes me think of Mike every time I look up; to my left is a boy named Kirk, who I have already fallen into the habit of calling Captain; and diagonal from me a boy named James who I have been friends with for years now.

Third period is seminary so that is boring and then fourth period is English which will be great as soon as I don't sit next to Dakota's best friend any more.

All in all it was a very good day and I am excited to have the other half of my classes tomorrow.

that is all.
taylor.

I should be talking to Mike and heather right now. actually, I should be sleeping right now which is why I shouldn't sign in to talk to Mike and Heather right now. In fact shouldn't even be typing this. My eyes should be closes and I should be trying to sleep like a good girl but I'm not.

I am to excited for school in the morning to sleep. Which is silly. School won't be that fabulous. It will just be another day of school and I will be glad when it is over but I am excited any way. I am excited to start my junior year and be that much closer to graduating. I am excited for the friends I am going to make and the friends I am going to get closer too. I am excited for the things I am going to learn and the teachers who are going to teach me. I am excited to get back into a stable schedule and have more order in my life than the summer can give me. I am just excited.

that is all.
taylor.

well. in case you wanted to know, I finally got over my writer's block. I know what i want to say, now I just have to stop procrastinating and say it. That is easier to say than do though. I really feel like just laying down and doing nothing. It is quite enjoyable.

I've actually decided that the time between when my alarm goes off and when I roll out of bed is my favorite few minutes of the day. I don't know why but just laying there thinking for a minute is the most relaxing thing in the universe. I like sitting in that state between dreams and reality where I can think about the coming day with out having to worry about it. Once I am fully awake my thoughts race a mile a minute with all the things that need done but for those few minutes the world is perfect and I can think about laying there all day and just resting and it is wonderful.

ok. I have absolutely nothing to say. nothing at all. but Mike made me feel all shades of guilty for not posting and so I have to make myself think a few words for him. I have had a lack of words for a few weeks now. I'm not really sure why that is though.

Well I fell asleep writing that. And seeing as that was less than 24 hours ago it is shocking to me how different I feel. I don't have a shortage of words anymore. In fact, I have so many words I can't think straight and I am making myself sick. And, as out of character as it is, I want to scream all of those words at my mother. Ok, before you call me out on that one let me explain. It is not out of character to be angry with my mother, only to want to scream at her. Normally I am very good at not letting her know when I am mad at her. I just let it slide and move on so that we don't have to fight. Well today I want to fight with her and tell her just how wrong she is.

Her and my dad had a big fight. And she walked out. Now this isn't the first time she has gotten angry and left, but it is the longest time. And she came home while we were at church today, planning on leaving again before we saw her, but we got home before she could take off. And do you know what she did? She told faith that she wasn't coming back. Faith. Her only daughter who really still cares. And it broke her heart. And I want to scream at her for it.

Sorry I didn't have time to write to you yesterday. I was busy retrieving my sister, and cleaning the house, and grocery shopping, and then I got yelled at to get off the computer and watch a movie with my sisters. We watched Little Rascals, then The Wizard of Oz, then The Princess and The Frog. We couldn't agree on one movie. We never can.

Anyway, I really should be writing right now. Well, writing my book. I am writing, just not anything that matters. This is just the random words that I spew when I can't come up with anything really important to say or make my words make any sense. The type of random words that don't really mean anything they are just there so that I can say I wrote something today.

I am having a lot of trouble with the chapter I am working on. I just crushed my main character's hopes and dreams for the future at the same time as I broke her heart and told her that everything she knew to be unchangeable and true was a lie and she isn't handling it well. She isn't moping or crying about it, or angry, or anything. She is just gone. She is hiding from me in my brain some where and I need to find her fast because I need her help to get the silly chapter done so we can get to the part where I make it all better again.

that is all.
taylor.

I've found myself in a strange mood today. I don't know if it is actually to be considered a mood actually, maybe I have just found myself wanting something so badly it hurts my heart that I don't have it. either way I just really want to be madly in love, some place quite with the man of my dreams holding me, just content to sit in the silence with each other. to not have to fill the space around us with words because it is already full with something words can't begin to describe.

I want to find the guy who can pull out the romantic, eloquent words when the moment arises, who will have a snappy come back for everything, and a joke for every occasion but who can also be content just sitting with me. who can be happy sitting with a cup of hot chocolate having the only conversation come from the way we look at each other.

that is all.
taylor.

I don't really have anything to say but I feel like I have majorly failed at my blog this summer and need to fix that so I am going back to posting every day. or at least trying to. I don't know how well this will work when school starts again but that is okay.

Today I found out that my friend Jesse doesn't hate me. I thought he did and it made me really sad, like crying type of sad. I though he hated me because we were best friends one day and then he stopped answering my phone calls and didn't say hi to me in the halls at school, in fact he went the opposite direction in the halls at school, and I don't know about you guys but I thought that meant he didn't want to talk to me any more. And it wasn't exactly random. He was dating one of my best friends and he stopped talking to me when she broke up with him. I figured he was mad at her and saw us as a sort of package deal so he was mad at me too and we couldn't be friends.

Well, I felt bad about how that break up went because Jesse is a good person, and an amazing friend, and he deserves so much better than what happened. I knew he was upset and so I figured he was just upset at first and would come talk to me when he was less hurt. Well, it has been a year now and he never did so I came to the conclusion that he wasn't coming back to being my best friend and I settled for facebook stalking to keep up with his life and wishing I could talk to him about everything or anything.

Now I bet you are all thinking, "so what happened to make you realise he doesn't hate you?" and I'll tell you what. Faith and I were talking and she mentioned that about once a week Jesse would send her a message on facebook asking her how I was but she never responded because she didn't know if she should. So not only does Jesse not hate me, he actually still cares about me. All of this time he has been doing the same thing I have been doing and we could have been friends but he worried that since my friend broke up with him I had too.

that is all.
taylor.

Guys, I am with Cini right now! Isn't that the coolest ever? Yes, yes it is. We went to camp last week and I could go on for hours about how much fun that was but that would bore even the most die hard fan to the point of sleep because you were not there and you do not know those people or places or anything that I would mention in said stories so you don't really care even if you love me to death.
Something you might care about, or at least that I thought was cool and figured I might as well tell you, is that I pet a goose today. Yep, you read that correctly. I was in a park with Cini and her sister Jill and we walked to a lake. At this lake, we feed geese. And these geese were so cool that they came and ate out of your hand. One of them in particular came and rubbed its head on my leg like a dog. And so I pet it. And then I thought of all the germs on it and went home to shower. But I pet it.
that is all.
taylor.

hello world. do you know how excited I am for next week to happen? So over the moon excited that I might explode. That excited. I cannot wait to see Celina! Only 8 more days! That is crazy! I stopped counting for a while because it felt like such a long time to say "only 48 more days" and then last night I realised how close it was! I am so excited to play with her.

We are going to go to girls camp and I am going to get to hear her share her testimony, which always reminds me why I believe what I do. We are going to play Disney Monopoly, I will finally be able to correct the fact that she won the last round last visit and be the reining champion once again. We are going to walk to the grocery store and buy french bread and ice cream, our silly traditions are my favorite. We are going to eat cough drops like candy. We are going to play a game of Uno and 3:49 in the morning, only turning on her book light. We are going to tell each other secrets. I am finally going to be able to put faces to the people in her stories. She is going to see my red hair. It is going to be a trip to remember.

The one and only negative thing I can think of is that I am SUPER nervous to fly by my self. I have only been on an airplane once and I hated it. I got sick and we missed our flight and my mother had a panic attack and we got lost in Chicago. It wasn't good. I must really love Cini if I am willing to fly again. I much prefer driving. I am super worried that I am going to miss my flight and be stuck some where, alone, for who knows how long. Or the plane with crash and I will die. Or I will have to sit next to a creeper. Or, or, or.

that is all.
taylor.

look guys I am writing here solely as a form of procrastination! again. I'm not sure why this is always where I go before facebook or any where else on the web. I come here before I even try to write a new chapter! That is ridiculous. I guess I just really enjoy talking to myself.

right now I am listening to The Beatles. They are wonderful. I was having bad dreams last night and couldn't sleep so I put them on and have been playing them since then. They just make me happy. Which is a hard thing to do right now. I am kind of down.

I need to get over that though. I have to be on the top of my game tomorrow if Gracie and I are going to teach our new ward how to do Girl's Camp correctly. from what I hear they have failed miserably every year up until now. failed to the point of rumors being spread, AT GIRLS CAMP! That is so not cool. it is supposed to be the one week of the year that we don't have to deal with icky girl fighting tactics. And on top of that last year there were a bunch of girls being left out! They contributed it to the ward being so big but that is crap. First ward is three times as big and they have never left some one out of anything! Gracie and I are determined to fix this.

You know I really hope that I get into the presidency when the current president leaves because there is so much that I could do for this ward.

OH! I never told you what I was procrastinating! I got distracted by The Beatles. I am putting off cleaning my room. I don't think it has ever been this dirty and it is driving me crazy. You know for how OCD I am about my room being clean, it gets messy really fast. It is just my clothes. I can't help but try on at least 10 different things every morning before I pick something and the rejects end up every where, laid in piles to be worn another day. It is horrible. And now that I have thought about it, it is bugging me more and more by the second and I have to go now.

that is all.
taylor.

have I mentioned that I really, really hate writer's block. it seems as though I always get it as soon as I start writing consistently and actually making progress. I must find a way to beat it if I am going to reach my goal of finishing by the end of this silly summer.

I cannot believe that we are already a month into summer. it feels like it just started a week ago and last night heather and I were talking about back to school shopping! time just seems to have flown past me so quickly. trek is over, girls camp is this week, and then heather's birthday and it is off to see cini! and when I get back from her house summer will be mostly over! crazy. . .

since I mentioned heather's birthday I should probably let you all know that I picked well when I choose her as my friend. she is turning 16 in two weeks and do you want to know what she asked me to get her? a blue light saber and pens. she is so wonderful. I love that I have friends like her. and I am planning something secret and cool for her on her birthday and I am so proud of myself for having kept it a secret for such a long time because I have had the idea for at least a month now and haven't told her. I feel like that is a record for me and secret keeping.

I am horrible at keeping secrets. its not that I don't want to keep them a secret it is just that they are so exciting and make me so happy that I want to share that happiness with the people around me. it is a horrible habit and I am trying to get better at it. I think that is why I hate surprises also. because I cannot believe that someone would keep something that cool hidden from me. it is silly, but oh well.

I've decided to grow my hair out long and wear it curly more often. It used to curl naturally, but it has been to short to do that for a few years now and I don't know if it still will when I grow it out. I hope it does because long, red, curly hair sounds good and it would be a pain to have to curl my hair every day. I mean I wouldn't mind too much, I would get really good at it pretty fast and it wouldn't take to long but still having it curl by itself is better. heather wants to grow her hair longer to and I think it is a good idea. long hair and lots of writing in our junior year sounds good to me.

it is weird to me that we are going to be in our junior year in two months. that means that I will be 17 in three month and 18 in two years and three months. two years, three months, and seven days to be exact. not that I am counting or anything. and two years sounds like a long time until I think of how fast this year went by. I am coming closer to the part where my life starts for real and it is slowly getting more and more exciting.

that is all.
taylor.

You guys, I hate myself just a little right now. Okay, more than just a little. I feel like crap. I cannot believe I got myself into this position. I have felt bad for some time now about something I have been doing.

I really like a boy. He makes me really happy. He knows all of my secrets, some that I didn't even know I was keeping until I told him. He always says the exact right thing to make me smile. I look forward to talking to him every day and when I get the chance to my heart beats a mile a minute and it gets hard to breath. But it shouldn't be like that.

After everything I went through with Macquel taking boy after boy from me I promised I would never do that to someone I loved. And you know what, I broke that promise. One of my best friends in the world liked this boy before I even met him. I should have stopped talking to him the moment I started to feel something for him. But I didn't.

I kept talking to him and now my friend is hurt in a way that I never intended to hurt her and I don't think there is any way I can fix it at this point no matter how hard I try. And just to make it worse she keeps trying to tell me that it is fine, that it isn't my fault, that she did this to herself. That is the worst part of this whole thing. and I hate myself a whole lot more than a little bit because of it.

that is all.
taylor.

Guess what you guys? At this very moment in time I am supposed to be writing. I am supposed to have a chapter done by the morning. Alas, I have little more than a page written and I am stuck. I really need to get this chapter done because I left the last one with a deadly cliffhanger.

And now, at this very second Mike is asking me how it is coming and I am debating wither or not
I should tell him that for a moment I have completely given up to talk to who ever happens to read this. I don't think I will, he will find out eventually. . .
I really want to get to 200 pages. And heather just took off er bra. It was odd because I looked over at her and she pulled it out of the top of her shirt. I bet she wouldn't appreciate me telling you all that but she will get over it.

My legs really hurt. I just walked a lot. In a skirt in the mountains pulling a hand cart. And my baby Emma Jane died on the last day but my Pa ran back to her grave and dug her up so that I could keep her. She is next to me right not. And she is very dirty. I should probably wash her. I bet she doesn't appreciate being covered in dirt from her grave. I was very dirty when I got home. I don't think I have ever been that dirty in my life. It was horribly gross.

Any who, I should probably get back to my chapter now. . .

wish me luck.
taylor.

My soul has been enlightened to great compunctions because of my augmented unfamiliarity with my blog in recent days. I desiderate for your amnesty oh puissant readers. I will endeavor to remedy the situation posthaste.

Curse Mr. Burnah for being nice to me. He gave me extra credit so that I would pass his class. And that in it's self, is wonderful. The cursing part come in when you find out that because I was going to fail I didn't go to an attendance school for his class. And now, I don't have enough attendance school left to get done. And I am freaking out just a little bit!!!
that is all.
taylor

Here, read some lovely quotes:

Being happy does not mean that everything is perfect. It means that you have decided to look beyond the imperfections.

The coroner will find ink in my veins and blood on my keyboard.

It's not about the money we make, it's about the passion we ache for.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time you do.

If you are not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space.

That which we persist in doing becomes easier to do, not that the nature of the things has changed but that the power to do has increased.

The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted at all.

Just because it is weird doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

You are not what you were born to be. . . but what you have it in yourself to become.

The future belongs to those who believe in their dreams.

Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they tell us dragons can be beaten.

You are braver than you believe, stranger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

Don't be afraid your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

Every man dies, but not every man lives.

The most beautiful discovery true friends can make is that they can grow separately with out growing apart.

Don't take life seriously, no one gets out alive anyways.

that is all.
taylor

That is it, she won, and I give up. Just thought I would announce it to the world.

The way I see it the world is going to hurt you,

And your family should be who you turn to when it does,

Your friends are the family you choose for yourself,

Your true love will be your best friend,

When you are in love the world isn’t so scary,

When the world isn’t scary it has now power,

When it has no power it cannot hurt you.

So why can’t we all come together in a great ring-around-the-roses circle and become each others family?